Self Esteem and R&B

If you know the whole song, then you know that it is sung as a warning to a sweet-talking, two-timing lover pushing is his luck with a hardworking lady. But ever since Aretha Franklin belted out RESPECT it has become something of an unofficial anthem for many of us facing frustrating people and circumstances. In the timeless R&B classic, she managed to capture many women’s daily frustration in the quest for respect.

Lately, I have been wondering how much of that frustration comes from defining ourselves too narrowly.  When was the last time you gave any thought to your own identity? How do you measure your own self worth?  What is your greatest strength, your talents, goals, dreams? When was the last time you really challenged yourself?

I have been giving this subject a lot of thought. Many women I talk to feel very pushed and even drained by the demands of work and career. They define themselves strongly through their work. While I think work and career is extremely important, I think it’s equally important to keep a perspective about work and identity.

The average North American worker now has at least three different careers over the span of their work life. Even professionals with a great deal of training, such as doctors, lawyer, and engineers often find themselves needing or wanting to readjust their career paths several times. Do you have a personal identity separate from your job and position? If something happened and you had to find a job or career, would you be prepared? How much of your self-esteem and self respect is linked to current job?

I think it is an interesting question, especially for women. As women we play many different roles. Many of us become mothers, and that too becomes an important part of their identities. For some of us, caring for elderly parents will be at times an almost full-time job. Many women are often surprised by how much of their identity and self respect is wrapped up in just one aspect of their existence, until something happens to change or threaten it.

Sadly darlings, we don’t develop these ideas in a vacuum. I wish I could tell you the names of all the women who have told me about so-called friends who stopped calling them after they left or lost high-powered jobs. Other women have expressed a desire to stop working and to spend more time with children, or pursue creative endeavors. They fear the loss of social standing such moves would bring about.

Society claims to value childrearing and the arts, but sadly it seems professional success is still the name of the game for many women when it comes to getting respect.

Don’t get me wrong; work is important. Any woman who doesn’t have a career or craft today won’t survive. It’s essential to be able to earn one's way and be self-sufficient.

We are all unique. What will fulfill is us equally so. Some people have such a deep passion for a single occupation that only the pursuit of that art or business will bring them joy. If that is your lot, I urge you to develop your craft to your own standards, so no one can chip at yourself respect. Extend your reach and find more for the work that gives you joy. If you encounter difficulties you will have resources to fall back on. Most importantly, you will never really doubt yourself or own abilities.

Many of us have talents and interests we have never explored. Get started. Look for resources at your workplace or local university. You never know what might lead to your next career. Knowledge and competence is power. Don’t limit yourself. You don’t have any idea of what you can do.

Paula Dean was a housewife before she was a Food Network star. Rachael Rae was a supermarket marketing specialist, and JK Rowling wasn’t a best selling publishing powerhouse until she wrote and sold Harry Potter. You don’t have to have any of these lofty goals. Start small or go big and bold, just get started on something.

There are few women who can’t hum at least a few bars of Aretha’s classic. And while there are plenty of women who do need to send bad news, two-timers packing, there are even more women who feel put down every day at work and play. They just don’t give themselves enough respect for the work they do. They don’t command it. Darlings, if you don’t have the greatest job or career, I am certainly not going to tell you to quit, not in this economy.  But start working on getting a better one. 

Let’s start spreading respect around too. Let’s not engage in all the silly old debates that just won’t go away. Let’s not dismiss, even socially, women who may not have made the same choices, or who are younger or older.

I still remember a friend who cut me off mid-sentence once. I was speaking to another woman. She felt the need to announce that my life was much less busy than the other woman’s as I had no children and a less demanding career. She apologized later. But it was so typical of how disrespectful we can be to each other. It’s why having your own deep sense of self respect is so important. I’d hate to think of how I might have reacted, if I hadn’t learned that lesson. Having a firm sense of identity and self-worth made it much easier to keep my temper and my sense of humour.

Respect is an essential ingredient for human happiness.  It’s often said you have to earn respect.  I think you have to give to yourself first. You have to know in your heart you are woman worthy of respect. Then, every day in every way, no matter what life deals you, you’ll be ready with the refrain:

R-E-S-P-E-C-T, find out what it means to me.

Put the world on notice with your confidence and grace that no one else defines you or your worth. You are wonderful package with a lot to offer - and for just starters all you’re asking for is “a little respect’.

Eat and grow younger!

A professional chef and registered dietitian, Cheryl Forberg is a James Beard award-winning recipe developer.  Six years of research went into Cheryl Forberg's latest book, Positively Ageless. A true labor of love, it offers a 28-day plan for ageless health and beauty. Her book contains fascinating facts and delicious recipes. Reading them, you won’t be surprised to learn that Cheryl once worked for the famed chef Wolfgang Puck in one of his top restaurants.   

As the nutritionist for NBC’s The Biggest Loser program, Cheryl’s role is to help overweight contestants transform their bodies, health, and ultimately their lives.

Cheryl is a unique combination of trained health professional and professional chef. Equally passionate about health and food, Cheryl shares her knowledge in this exclusive DolceDolce interview.

DD: What inspired you to write this book?

CF: My first book was an anti-aging cookbook - Stop the Clock! Cooking. I wanted to do another cookbook, but I also wanted to share emerging research with my readers that supports and explains the notion that our food choices can literally slow down or speed up the rate at which we age.  I wanted to lay the foundation for my research-based recommendations in a reader-friendly format that shows how easy it is to get started.  Positively Ageless does just that with menus, shopping lists and simple delicious recipes.

DD: Can we really reset the clock with our diets?

CF: Absolutely.  Genetics is only a part of what determines the rate at which we age.  The choices that we make every day of what we eat, whether or not we choose to exercise, spend time in the sun; these things play a bigger role.  In terms of our food choices, the quality of the calories is just as important as the quantity.  In fact if we only focused on the quality of what we're eating, then the quantity would take care of itself. We wouldn't have to worry about counting calories).  A balanced diet of quality calories is satisfying and filling.  It can be delicious too, if you know what to choose and how to prepare it.

DD: How can we avoid gaining weight as we age? Some of us start to gain as early as our twenties and thirties as we begin office jobs. Others gain at the start of menopause. Help! 

CF: As we progress through adulthood, our muscles begin to dwindle in size and strength. These muscles burn a lot of calories each day. As they shrink with age, we naturally begin to burn fewer calories. This means that if we continue to eat the same way, we will gain weight. Smaller weaker muscles also mean that our bones are more likely to be weak. Exercise that helps your muscles helps your bones, too

Experts have seen that declining muscle isn't just an unpreventable fact of aging. In large part it's due to lack of use. Even people in their nineties can show impressive strength gains with exercise.

In order to maintain or build our muscles we have to include resistance training as a part of our exercise program. Consider at least one session with a qualified fitness professional when you begin to work out. A personal trainer can help you design a program, teach you how to do exercises, and observe your form to ensure it's correct.   

In terms of your food choices, if you're exercising and trying to maintain or build muscle, be sure to include plenty of lean protein. Therecommeded daily alowance for adults may not be enough to encourage sufficient muscle maintenance, as you get older. Researchers haven't pinned down exactly how much you should strive to get. If you aim for getting 30 percent of your calories from protein, however, you should get enough to support muscle maintenance and growth. Lean protein is also required for building and preserving muscle. Lack of protein can contribute to fatigue. In addition, your body needs a steady supply of protein to keep your muscles strong.  There are lots of suggestions in Positively Ageless for implementing a personalized exercise plan as well as ways to include more lean protein in your diet.

DD: Are spices, herbs and garlic an important part of an anti-aging diet and why?

CF: Absolutely. In addition to the fact that they add layers of flavor to recipes, minimizing the need for calorie-rich fats), they also happen to be very high in antioxidants.  Positively Ageless has charts that identify the most powerful anti-aging herbs and spices along with recipes that use them.

DD: If a non-cook wanted three quick steps towards better health, what would you suggest?

CF: First, lose the white stuff: white flour, white rice, white pasta, and white sugar. They're all loaded with calories but virtually no nutrition. Second, be sure to eat plenty of fruits and vegetables throughout the day, every day. A colorful variety will ensure you're providing your body with all of the different vitamins and antioxidants needed to kick up your immune system and slow the aging process. And finally, focus on getting Omega 3s, the ultimate anti-aging fat into your diet.  Every cell in our body uses Omega 3s. Try to include it in your diet every day with Omega 3 rich fish such as salmon, or plant sources such as walnuts and flax seed.

DD: Are fats good for you?  

CF: Yes, though we should try to keep our fat intake below 25 percent of our daily calories. Unsaturated fats such as monounsaturated and polyunsaturated, can actually lower your LDL cholesterol and raise your good HDL cholesterol.  Monounsaturated fats include olive and canola oils. Fish contains a polyunsaturated fat known as Omega 3 fatty acid, which can help prevent atherosclerosis and lower triglyceride levels. Healthy Omega 3 fats seem to help inhibit breast and colon cancer development too.  I like to call Omega 3s the anti-aging fats. Their benefits include: helping to slow the aging process, heart-protective benefits, such as encouraging healthy cholesterol levels, reducing blood clotting, and preventing irregular heart beat, possibly reducing the need for steroids in conditions such as rheumatoid arthritis or inflammatory bowel disease, possibly delaying or even preventing the onset of Alzheimer's Disease , and promoting softer skin, thus possibly minimizing the appearance of wrinkles.

DD: What foods can any one eat to have more beautiful skin?

CF: Cold-water fish: wild salmon, mackerel, albacore and bluefish tuna, herring, anchovies, and sardines are great sources of Omega 3 fatty acids and healthy protein. Some fish also contain a powerful antioxidant called DMAE, which protects you from free radical damage and preserves your skin tone. Brightly pigmented fresh fruits and veggies provide antioxidants and other nutrients to promote healthy skin from the inside out.

Drink lots of water. Staying well hydrated keeps your skin's cells plump and firm. When you don't take in enough water, the deficiency encourages dry, wrinkled skin.

Enviro-smart on the go!

Solavie is a smart new line of products for the environmentally conscious beauty on the go. The line is designed to give you the perfect product as you travel through different climate conditions. There are six destination choices: urban, desert, plains, tropics, shore, and mountains. Each line has a selection of  shampoo, conditioner, lotion, soap, and cream. I love this idea. My hair and skin often has a 24-48  hour adjustment period after any change in climate or water.  All the products contain natural mineral water. Individual products use different natural botanicals sourced from the environment they are intended work in.

The packaging is brilliant. The is no excess. The small bottles snap together and meet international security regulations for carry-ons. I checked. The bottles are recyclable and a portion of the profits go to earth-sustainable charities. And since the products are unisex, if your man is with you he can use them too!  It’s perfect idea for now: a simple way to keep yourself and the planet gorgeous.  www.solavie.com

Natural beauty

Are you the type of girl who like a soft, natural look? Are you looking for one that will leave your lashes soft and flexible? Do you desire gentle enhancement, not a full out  glam-gal look?  Then L’Oreal Mascara Bare Naturale Mineral Enriched Mascara may be your dream product.  It’s full of conditioners such as Vitamin E and aloe. It goes on soft. If you are careful, it doesn’t clump. The look is definitely soft. There is no strong scent. If you want wow lashes, this not your mascara. But if you like it soft and natural, you will love this! At most drug and big box stores. www.lorealparis.com .

DolceDolce trend alert

Bend me, shape me,

anyway you want me …

So goes the lyric from a classic rock song by The American Breed – and it’s what most of us do get fabulous lashes. I know darlings, I have done it all. In the pursuit of lashes to die for, contributing editor Anne Gravel and I have tried extensions, extenders, and a whole host of mascaras. Anne adores lash extensions and her recommendations are in the archives  www.dolcedolce.com.

Allergan, the makers of Botox, have finished clinical trials on a preparation to grow lashes that uses an ingredient in their prescription medicine Lumigan. Lumigan is used to treat glaucoma and was also seen to grow darker, thicker lashes as a secondary effect. Ironically, this is exactly how Botox came to be used as a cosmetic. A Vancouver eye doctor noticed and documented the secondary effect of Botox in wrinkle reduction. Allergan’s product will be sold by prescription.

When the first Spin Lash Mascara hit the drug and big boxes stores, I took a good look them. The battery-powered wands can be used with your own mascara or the one that comes with it. It cost abut $15. I just can’t bring myself to buy one. I just don’t need anything that spins that close to my eyes. I have poked myself a few time with plain mascara; that was bad enough. A spinning mascara just doesn’t appeal to me. Besides, I haven’t heard raves about it from my sources.

Now Lancôme and Estee Lauder have come out with prestige spinning mascaras, Oscillation and Turbo lash respectively. The cult is already forming, but I am still not convinced. I may change my mind. After all it's hard to resist trying something so new from two acknowledged innovators. Both companies make some of the most popular mascaras on the market.

Most beauty products today are pretty fabulous. I think they are usually worth trying once, if they interest you. But in today’s economy, value for money is important too. So when it comes to my lashes, I will continue to bend them, shape them ,and black them - but I will not be spinning them, at least not anytime soon. But another thing I have learned about beauty is: never say never.

Summer woodland beet

and portobello salad with walnuts

I adore beets. It might sound romantic to say I learned to love them in Russia and that a former White Russian countess cooked them for me, but it would be a lie. I have always loved them. Thanks to my farm-reared father and my gardening-mad grandparents, we always had lovely vegetables.

I have always thought of beets as sweet little jewels.  Is there anything more gorgeous than their deep ruby colour? And, they are so healthful. Beets are high in folate, manganese, and Vitamin C. They are also full of antioxidants that can help fight heart disease and cancer. They can also help to lower harmful cholesterol. Beets have an anti-oxidant that is especially beneficial in preventing colon cancer and helping to reduce C reactive protein levels. Wow, all that from one little beet!

This week I went for an early dinner with a friend at a cute little bistro and market combo. She too is a beet lover. When she ordered a lovely, little beet salad, it inspired me to share this recipe with you. Think of it as a spa on a plate, if you like. It is chockfull of health-giving ingredients. Or just think of it as a delicious, mouth-watering addition to dinner. You decide darlings.

A side salad for four

or a main salad for two

Peel and slice 3 medium red beets as thinly as you would tomatoes for a salad, about 1/8 inch/3 mm. Be careful not to slice them too thin. Do the same with 2 golden beets. You may use all red beets if you like.

Tip: Keep a bowl of clean and cool water besides your board as you peel. Rinse your hands constantly or wear latex gloves. This will keep the beets from staining your hands.

Boil the beets in water with 1 tbsp. of salt and  1 tbsp. of sugar or 1 pkg. of Splenda. Cook until fork tender, or about 8-10 minutes. Watch and test the beets as they cook. Younger beets cook faster. Rinse in cold water to shock them and stop cooking. Drain and chill, lightly salted to taste, or not.

Clean portobello mushrooms, use ½  per person. Dry well. Coat lightly with olive oil and grill on medium heat for 3-4 minutes. Cool and slice. Salt the mushrooms lightly after cooking.

Wash and dry a head of lettuce. Use young romaine hearts or butter lettuce.

Tear or cut lettuce into small pieces. Slice ½ avocado per person. Squeeze lemon over the fresh cut avocado.

Vinaigrette:

Mix:

1/3 cup raspberry vinegar

1 tbsp. Dijon mustard

1 tsp. sugar or 1/2 tsp. Splenda

1 tsp. salt

2 tsp. green peppercorns freshly ground or black pepper to taste

1 small clove of garlic crushed lightly. Remove before serving (optional)

Slowly add ½ cup of good olive oil.

Marinate your sliced and drained beets with a few spoons of the dressing. Don’t drown the beets.

The salad will be better if you can let the beets marinate for at least 10-20 minutes.

To serve: toss the greens with the dressing and mound on serving plates. 

Arrange the beets, mushroom and avocado slices on top of the lettuce. Drizzle with remaining vinaigrette. Garnish with fresh walnuts. Use about  1 tbsp. for each salad.

August is a precious month, as the last of steamy summer flees all too quickly. Hold on to each precious day tightly. Remember, you are entitled to respect. Command it with your confidence, grace, and compassion.  Never let anyone make you feel less -not even for a minute. Make yourself a lovely salad. You deserve the best when it comes to fresh healthful food and good friends. Remember that both are even better - and better for you when taken together.  

So darlings carpe diem and  have a sweet week! Until next week, please sign-up if you haven’t already - DolceDolceis free. And please forward us to all your friends.