Dance in red shoes

that don’t pinch

In the great old movie Auntie Mame, the title character declares “life’s a banquet and most poor suckers are starving to death”. It’s one of my favourite quotes; the sentiment is dear to my heart. For those who may not share my love of old films, Mame is a worldly, single woman who is raising her orphaned nephew. She is broke, and yet unsinkable in the face of adversity. Mame is always celebrating something - and this is one of the many things she teaches her charge. She knows if you give into despair you lose who you are. 

Auntie Mame was right. So many poor suckers are starving to death by not making every day delicious and sweet. We are responsible for fine-tuning are own happiness, but sometimes it can seem like a lost cause. It drives me a little nuts that so many people want to salve real grief with medication. It’s madness that overworked women are not encouraged to slow down and take care of themselves - or, at the very least to acknowledge they are going through a busy and stressful time, and may need extra help and support.

In talking to other women, I am concerned that even the professionals who are there to help are often a source of stress. Booking an appointment with a doctor or therapist can be an ordeal. Wait times can be ridiculous in some cities, not to mention the number of doctors not taking new patients. It can sometimes encourage women to stay with a doctor or therapist who is not helping - or worse.

If you’re in this situation, don’t despair. Ask friends for a recommendation. It's the best way to find a good doctor. Even if a doctor isn’t seeing new patients, he or she may make an exception for an established patient. On our last move to a new city, we knew no one. I had to hunt for our doctors alone. The first family doctor I tried was a nightmare. I am so glad I had the experience to leave as soon as it became clear we were a bad fit. Our current doctor was recommended by acquaintances who raved about him. He is fabulous. I shudder to think of what would have happened if we had tried to make do with the first doctor.

It’s important to take time to find a good therapist to help you through a painful loss, if you need that help. It’s funny, so many people mouth all the right words in today’s politically-correct world, but things don’t really slow down to make allowances for real pain or loss. We need to take that time to shepherd ourselves through the healing process.  Good friends can and will help.

That covers the big stuff.  I can only hope you won’t have to deal with too much of it, too young or too often.

Small things can add such sweetness to life, and yet so many women neglect the basics. It could make me cry. The most delicious elements of life often fall through the cracks and get eaten up by life’s busyness. Don’t let that happen to you.

Many smart women neglect the simple little housekeeping details that could make their lives so much more comfortable and luxe. They neglect to keep the receipts for new shoes. They keep wearing shoes that hurt and pinch. Shoes that torture should be returned. There are pretty and comfortable shoes at every price. Keep the receipt. Darlings, no one ever had a good time with sore feet. If you have a medical problem, see a doctor. While you’re at it, get rid of anything that itches, pinches, or binds. If your mother told you beauty had to hurt, she was wrong. You may get a little sore from your first few days at the gym, but your wardrobe shouldn’t pain you. Chic clothes fit and are a sweet dream to wear.

Find ways to relax that are solitary, accessible, and non-fattening – then indulge in them. I can tell you a few of mine: a hot scented bath, reading, or watching a movie. It sounds crazy but cooking works, too. I am not sure that it’s non-fattening. It depends on what I cook and who is around to eat it. But being in the kitchen does help me unwind. There is a Zen to all the chopping and sautéing.  Find what soothes your soul.

Finally, take good care of your friends and let them take care of you. Letting them do that can be the hardest part, but try it. A now elderly writer whom I admire once wrote that it is okay to use your friends and that they use you back. It doesn’t sound quite nice, but she had it right. She went on about how she adored her friends. She likened them to oxygen. Sometimes, friends disappoint us, but most are just overwhelmed. If you hit a stinker - and believe me, I have had my share - chalk it up to expirence. Be glad you are not a stinker, and hope your friends are charitable when you screw up.

Good friends truly are all the corny things lauded in songs and poems; they are the wind beneath your wings and the thing that make you your best. Dr. Louann Brizendine, in her brilliant book, The Female Brain, wrote about the actual chemical buzz that young girls get from talking to each other on the phone. According to the doctor, as we age, work and other relationships calm this urge to chat. Thank heavens, but I am glad it doesn’t go away completely. I still find the soft, melodious voices of my friends a cheering balm. At times of despair, or after a particularly loathsome day, my husband has been known to say, “why don’t you take a bath and call…”.  After years of marriage he knows a few minutes of conversation with a dear friend, lilting laughter, shared jokes, and womanly murmurs are cheering and a healing balm.

Darlings, life is short and Mame was right, life is a banquet. So please, make sure yours is as sweet and delicious as possible. None of us can avoid pain or trials, but don’t suffer more than you have to. Reach out and get help. Perfectionism can be a curse, but the notion of “good enough” leaves me cold. Let’s go for fabulous; we all have it in us. Take a bite out of life, work hard, eat hearty, pin a flower in your hair, and dance in red shoes - that don't pinch. 

Let your smile shine

According to poets and songwriters, the eyes are the windows of the soul. It may be true.

But it’s also true that other people may never gaze into your lovely eyes, if they’re distracted by an out-of-alignment smile, or yellow and discolored teeth. Fair or not, we are all judged by our looks. Yellow teeth can be aging. Employers and others may make unflattering assumptions because of uncorrected dental problems or a reluctance to smile. Dr. Michael Kosdon, one of Hollywood’s first cosmetic’s dentists, gives DolceDolcereaders the lowdown on the importance of a stellar smile, and the latest techniques on how to get one.

DD: What makes a sexy smile?

For more on Dr. Michael Kosdon, visit his website at www.modernsmiles.com

Delight your hostess

Pretty and original hostess gifts are a find. And while you can never go wrong giving fabulous chocolate, good wine, or a luxe bar of soap, a new idea is always welcome. PlaceTiles Designs have a bounty of perfect little treasures that will delight most hostesses. 

PlaceTiles products include useful and elegant little bottle stoppers for wine or olive oil, and ceramic hang tags to designate special wine bottles. There are cunning little cheese markers, knife rests, and menu cards - and all manner of place cards. It’s a great example of green elegance - all ceramic and reusable. I adore that. They also come with a dry-erasable sharpie, so no one needs fear messy hands. The designs run from sweet and sassy to clean and elegant.

A matched set of place cards with a menu card could be a delightful shower gift for an elegant bride. They could also be just the thing for your seasoned hostess pal who is always looking to change up her table décor. www.placetiles.com

Summer shape-up for the whole gang

Summer is a time for family fun, but it can also be a food nightmare for busy moms.

Trying to get everyone to eat well isn't always easy, and diets don’t work for kids. But it doesn’t have to be hard; good habits shouldn’t be a chore. Fat Families, Thin Families is a book full of easy strategies to help your family get thin and healthy. Author Amy Hendel doesn’t suggest total depravation - or I wouldn’t recommend her book. So if you don’t have hours to cook or shop, try Amy’s strategies to help your family escape the obesity trap. Think how cool it will be to shop for school when everyone looks fit and fine.

Airport survival made chic

Packing light is no longer a choice. Between airport security rules and ruinous baggage charges a fashionista could lose her mind, not to mention her cool.

Lately everyone and her sister is trying to sell you a solution. Some are laughable. There is one skin care line selling packets of a single application facial for more than $70. Please darlings, how silly can you get? For that kind of money, go get a facial at a salon. My advice is to head over to Sally’s Beauty Supply or your fav pharmacy. Buy a little multi-compartment pallet box, like the ones makeup artists use. Fill it with your favourite items: cleanser, masques, and the works. You can even stick in toothpaste and shampoo. These little pallets are made for the pros so they don’t leak. You’ll also be well within security limits of fewer than 3 ounces - and you will still have enough products to do a Trans-Atlantic touch-up. Plus it’s a green solution, totally reusable and refillable!

Eco-chic

I love this Mary Kay’s eco-chic refillable compact. It can hold up to six products. You choose the colours from 18 million possible colour combinations. The compacts can hold one lipstick or mini-gloss plus different combos of shadows, blush, highlighter and applicators. The colours are chic and the compact doesn’t scratch and end up looking tacky. How fabulous is that?  When you are ready to dump it, return it to your Mary Kay rep and they’ll plant a tree. It’s a reasonable $18 for a long-lasting compact. www.marykay.com

Airport Friendly Scent

I just knew when two dynamic designers such as Karim Rashid and Kenzo teamed up the result would be exciting. Ryoko, which means travel in Japanese, is the name of a collection of fun, ultra-light, brightly coloured fragrance pebbles that fit in the palm of your hand.

Each Ryoko holds less than three ounces of Kenzo fragrances, making them ideal to get through airport check points. The “pebbles” cleverly conceal a spray in their smooth and touchable shape. There are three fragrances for women and two for men. It’s a beautifully modern solution to a modern problem.  Each Ryoko pebble spray is $29.  www.kenzousa.com

Hot trends to help you entertain

with style and ease this summer

One of the hottest trends in dining is serving small plates – and it’s not just in the Tapas and Dim Sum restaurants that inspired this, but also in many other restaurants. It can be an exciting way to try new foods, especially for those of us with smaller appetites.

An equally compelling trend is the blending of the flavours and dishes of several cuisines. I find this appealing and easy with a cocktail menu, where there is more room for experimentation.

Lately at home, I find cocktails are often becoming happy informal dinners as I serve course after course of “small” plates. While I have no intention of replacing all my lovely dinners, this kind of relax dining makes a lovely change.

The key to serving small plates at home is having many great items in your pantry that are easy to serve. Then you can focus on a few delicious and easy to make protein items. This home version of gorgeous ruby, savory Tandoori chicken is a snap to make.

Topped with fresh lemon, cilantro, and your own onion relish, it delights your guests.  This savory chicken blends well with most Latin, Middle Eastern, or Mediterranean flavours.

I often keep commercial Nan breads in my freezer. They are nothing at all like the light buttery confections served at my favourite Indian restaurants. But they are available at Indian grocers and even many good regular grocers. Brushed with some olive oil and toasted, they are good in their own way with a homemade Indian meal. I also like them as grilled Panini or toasted crisp in the oven and cut in triangles to serve with dips.

Tandoori Chicken

For 6-8 (depending on whether you are using this as a starter or a main course)

2 lbs. of washed and dried cut chicken wings and thighs. I like to buy the chicken cut in small pieces with skin and bones for this recipe. You may use the breast and cut it smaller, but it can be dry.

Mix together:

1 cup of good yogurt, I use low fat (Stoneyfield or Astro are very good).

Grate 1½ inch fresh ginger

2-3 cloves of garlic, grated or crushed

1 tbsp. of cumin powder

1½ tbsp. Tandoori Marsala powder This is a spice blend. My favourite brand is Rajah in the can. Sherwood’s is also good. If you are in an Indian shop ask someone, they will help you find something, if there is no Rajah. If you can’t find an Indian shop, email me. There are companies that sell this as a paste in a jar, but I think it’s expensive and I don't use it.

1 tbsp. tomato puree or paste

1 tbsp. sugar

1 tsp. of salt

Juice of ½ lemon

1 tsp., or to taste, chilies (hot chilies flakes)

You can also just put all these ingredients in a blender of food processor and blend.

To garnish:

Fresh coriander

Optional:

Bermuda onions

Lemons

Radishes

Marinate the chicken for several hours or overnight. Scrape off the excess marinade. Grill the chicken outside on a BBQ, inside on a grill pan, or in a hot oven at 400/220 on a rack for about 35 minutes. When cooking inside, I think the oven works best.  Lightly salt the hot chicken and top with squeezed lemon and fresh chopped coriander (cilantro). You can minimize sticking by spraying the grill and your chicken lightly with oil. Turn once during cooking.

Top with thinly sliced onions that you have marinated in fresh lemon and salt. Purple Bermudas look pretty and hold up well under this treatment, which makes the onions sweet and slightly soft. Give the same treatment to fresh radishes, and you’ll have two authentic and healthy Indian relish dishes.

A raita or salad of lightly salted yogurt and thinly sliced cucumbers topped with fresh mint is the perfect easy accompaniment to this simple starter or main dish. To make raita, thinly slice a well-washed cucumber. Leave the peel on. I like to use a mandolin, but it’s optional. Salt the cucumber and leave to drain in the refrigerator for about 15 to 20 minutes. Add 1 cup plain yogurt. Top with fresh, clean mint.

One correction and apologies, if you were frustrated trying to reach Atlanta dermatologist Dr. Cynthia Abbott, who was featured in last week’s DolceDolce with great advice about a new laser treatment for problem perspiration. Her phone number is 404-816-3939. We inadvertently published her fax number.

Enjoy the summer to the fullest. Make time for family and friends. Visit a new museum, learn to sail, start to paint, or take yoga lessons.  Barbecue, sip ice tea, make lavender lemonade, and don’t forget to set aside plenty of time to dream. Whatever you do, remember to always have a pair of dancing shoes stashed nearby.

Remember: please sign-up to DolceDolce if you haven’t already. DolceDolce is free! And forward us to all your friends. Until next time, have a sweet week.